Friendship
On the Court: Part II
The faith illustration didn’t stop there for me, however.
The coach’s instruction, audible to those listening intently, was one simple word: “Doubles.” The girls immediately shifted their defensive strategy and double-teamed their tall, ball-carrying opponent.
We’re not meant to go through life alone.
Especially when facing challenges or a powerful adversary. God calls us to a strategy of ‘doubles.’ Read More
Rejected
My skin isn’t thick enough.
Because I’m in my early 40’s you might expect me to have the emotional capacity to shrug off feelings of rejection. But I don’t. At least not all the time. A series of events colluded against my heart over the last few weeks:
- I’ve recently tumbled down the list of people whose opinion matters to my teenage daughter. Developmentally normal, I know, but I still feel the loss of her esteem.
- A heart-felt, oft-expressed invitation to come visit us was again turned down; our family’s hopes of sharing special time with people we love were dashed.
- Several of my children have experienced isolation from their peers, in some cases for their faith. My mother-heart feels their pain as my own.
- Our Easter Sunday was spent without the fellowship of friends or family. Read More
From Wallowing to Following
As I woke to yet another round of snow heaped all over the driveway, patio and sidewalk, I knew what my afternoon’s activity would be: shoveling.
This was a beautiful blanket. Probably four inches worth of sticky, thick snow. I leaned into the task and mucked my way toward the curb. I began with gusto, enthusiastic (almost) for the opportunity for exercise that didn’t involve a gym or a video. I paused occasionally to enjoy the sunshine and the sound of water dripping off the roof.
Eventually my pauses became more frequent; I grew tired. My mood sloped downhill with my driveway. Pretty soon, I was standing in the gutter, both physically and mentally. Read More
Body Building: Considering the impact of ‘choice’ on community
Is ‘choice’ good for us?
Within some generalized parameters, we are given the privilege and pleasure of choosing many aspects of our lives. We choose where we live, where our children go to school and where we go to church. We choose our friends and even our leisure activities.
The positive side of this dynamic is that we can make sound investments in real estate (financial stewardship), provide academic opportunity (stewardship of talent) and be spurred on in our faith by those with whom we share doctrinal positions. Read More
Keep out. Come in.
Are privacy and authenticity mutually exclusive?
The call for authenticity has taken up residence in yet another forum. It’s no longer the mantra just of small groups and friendship; now blog posts and Facebook status updates are required to contain some degree of personal drama to qualify the writer as being ‘real.’ It appears there’s no venue in which privacy is deemed appropriate or even important. Read More
Ligaments of Love: Encouragement in the Body of Christ
She’s a feisty ball of zeal perched on top of two spindly legs.
And it’s her first year of running for a school cross-country team. My little sixth grader was so eager to join her older sister in this sport this year. Together they’ve gone to practice for a couple of weeks, but for the most part have gone their separate ways upon arrival to run with their friends.
I arrived early to collect them the other day and got to watch the final activity assigned by the coaches: a tempo run for just under a mile. In the distance, I spotted my little gal’s hot pink shorts, streaking around the course in third position. For more than half a mile, she held her own with the front-runners. Read More
Perfect Friends
Do you have a perfect friend?
Perhaps you readily answered that with a ‘no’ because you’re keenly aware of their flaws, or just recognize that we’re all imperfect. Or perhaps you’re inventorying the list of people in your life that have the appearance of perfection in their ability to manage many tasks, maintain a trim, athletic figure, and exude the social graces… continuously, of course.
This week, in particular, I was blessed by several friends. They listened intently to my pain, eager to share the burden. They cast no judgement, yet willingly spoke truth, because they love me. They will continue to pray for, and with, me. My time with them leaves me feeling affirmed and spurred on to run the race marked out for me (Hebrews 12:1). Afterwards, I specifically thanked God, recognizing them each as a gift in my life. Read More
Washed Away
I consider it chemotherapy for my prideful, sinful nature.
All it takes is a few moments standing at the edge of the ocean for me to be reminded swiftly and surely of my utter insignificance but for the love of God.
I got a hefty dose this week during a trip to Portland. We’d migrated to the coast mid-morning and were frustrated at the onslaught of rain, which relegated us to indoor activities instead of beach-combing and tidepool-sleuthing. My kids were quickly disinterested in the options available to us. I was quickly ‘disinterested’ in their attitudes. As the day progressed, our patience for one another eroded. Eventually, as darkness approached with rain-unabated, we pulled on rain boots, donned hats, gloves and coats, and extended umbrellas. Out we went to savor whatever we could of this precious time at the edge. Read More
What is Love?
No, I’m not referring to Haddaway’s 1990’s hit, revived by the SNL ‘Roxbury’ sketches.
Every year around Valentine’s Day, 1 Corinthians 13 trends on Twitter and Facebook because of its references to love. The same passage is so commonly used in wedding ceremonies (mine included) that it’s almost a pre-requisite.
I’m tempted to roll my eyes at the litany of 1 Corinthians 13 Tweets and status updates, because the word used in that passage for love is a Greek word (agapē). Agapē describes the love that only God can manifest, not the romantic love (eros) touted on February 14th. Agapē is the word used in 1 John 4:8 to describe God Himself. By contrast, the Greek word used in the Bible to describe the interrelationships of humans is phileō.
Empty Handed
Help. Why (why!) is help so hard to ask for?
My husband occasionally travels for work, just two or three times a year. As a very involved husband and father, he’s always willing to pitch in for any need I have. So much so that when he’s gone, his helpful presence is definitively missed. During one of his rare travel weeks, I became aware that I had commitments to two children in three different locations on one night. There wasn’t time enough between the appointments to collect and drop off the right child at the right venue. I couldn’t pull it all off by myself, so I bit the bullet and tapped a few friends for some assistance. It was difficult to ask; I don’t like putting my responsibilities on another’s shoulders. I consoled myself with the notion that I’d gladly reciprocate in the future. They were gracious, and cheerfully arranged their afternoon and evening plans to support me.
This week, in a completely different situation, I had to ask for help again, but from different people and for different reasons. The need was much more significant, not merely a matter of being late to art class. It involved an enormous commitment of precious resources… resources that I don’t have and will never have.
I am unable to tranquilize the pain of my need with future reciprocity: I simply won’t be able to.
Though asking for help chauffeuring my kids was challenging, making this request was almost crippling. For me, the ability to reciprocate when asking for help seems to mitigate the condition of need. It makes me feel less needy, perhaps because my need appears limited in duration or nature. Where I feel able to repay, I am more willing to be indebted, if only temporarily. Where I am destitute of skill, time or money, I resist asking for help, because I am unable to give back. The pride of self-reliance, in other words, keeps me from seeking that which I genuinely need.
To receive Christ, we must, in humility, acknowledge our utter bankruptcy before God: I am sinful and in desperate need of a Savior. I have nothing to offer in exchange for my redemption from the judgment I justly deserve. I come to the Throne empty handed. And this is precisely how the Father intends it: that we are fully aware of our inability to earn the Grace, pay for the Gift. But God doesn’t stop at salvation and justification. Those events set in motion another work of the Holy Spirit: sanctification, the purifying process of becoming holy.
I struggled deeply to ask for help this week. I struggled even more profoundly to receive it. In and out of tears from the discomfort of my need, I slowly – too slowly – became aware this was something I needed to wrestle out and be purified of. God was pressing me to again be willing to acknowledge my poverty. Not for my salvation, but my sanctification. My discomfort in receiving the help I needed, but couldn’t repay, revealed a prideful independence, a lack of reliance on my Father. In humbly confessing my temporal needs to man, I would also confess my need to the Lord. The act of asking for help became a sanctifying work of the Spirit.
I want to more readily ask for help in the future, without promise of compensation, as fruit of this experience. I hope to see my needs as God’s tool to strip away another layer of my pride, purifying me and making me holy, set apart for His purposes.