Rejected
My skin isn’t thick enough.
Because I’m in my early 40’s you might expect me to have the emotional capacity to shrug off feelings of rejection. But I don’t. At least not all the time. A series of events colluded against my heart over the last few weeks:
- I’ve recently tumbled down the list of people whose opinion matters to my teenage daughter. Developmentally normal, I know, but I still feel the loss of her esteem.
- A heart-felt, oft-expressed invitation to come visit us was again turned down; our family’s hopes of sharing special time with people we love were dashed.
- Several of my children have experienced isolation from their peers, in some cases for their faith. My mother-heart feels their pain as my own.
- Our Easter Sunday was spent without the fellowship of friends or family.
Jesus knew a little about this, didn’t He?
- The people of His hometown of Nazareth drove Him away after hearing His teaching in the synagogue. (Luke 4:29)
- The Jewish people demanded His death, preferring a common criminal over their Messiah. (Luke 23:23)
- Jesus’ earthly family thought He was crazy. (Mark 3:21)
- Peter denied knowing Jesus three times in just one night. (Mark 14:68, 70, 71)
And most poignantly, on the cross:
And at three in the afternoon Jesus cried out in a loud voice, “Eloi, Eloi, lema sabachthani?” (which means “My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?”).
— Mark 15:34 ESV
Being forsaken by God is a pain I will never know. Christ experienced it on my behalf. Instead, I know only acceptance by God; Jesus’ blood purchased my reconciliation:
Once you were alienated from God and were enemies in your minds because of your evil behavior. But now he has reconciled you by Christ’s physical body through death to present you holy in his sight, without blemish and free from accusation.
— Colossians 1:21,22 ESV
While I may experience human rejection, Jesus died that I might never experience rejection from God, warranted by my sin. As a recipient of grace, redeemed by Christ’s sacrifice, I am now part of a Holy Priesthood chosen by God. (1 Peter 2:9) He didn’t die for the institution we know as the church, He died for the individuals that comprise it — you and me — so that we would be restored to communion with God.
Our inclusion comes with a calling:
Therefore, as God’s chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience. Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you. And over all these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity.
— Colossians 3:12-14 ESV
While the feelings of rejection I experience may pierce me, I am consoled by the knowledge that I am chosen and beloved by God. This alone enables me to do as Paul exhorts:
Kirsten,
I’m sorry for your pain. I know it well too, and it is so hard when we see our kids experience it. Bless you for standing with them through it.
I appreciate your connection this morning and really love this line: “He didn’t die for the institution we know as the church, He died for the individuals that comprise it — you and me — so that we would be restored to communion with God.” So, so good.
I pray for the Lord to strengthen and build your family up that you may experience Him more than ever. Love to you, Hester
Kirsten,
I’m sorry for your pain. I know it well too, and it is so hard when we see our kids experience it. Bless you for standing with them through it.
I appreciate your connection this morning and really love this line: “He didn’t die for the institution we know as the church, He died for the individuals that comprise it — you and me — so that we would be restored to communion with God.” So, so good.
I pray for the Lord to strengthen and build your family up that you may experience Him more than ever. Love to you, Hester
Kirsten,
I’m sorry for your pain. I know it well too, and it is so hard when we see our kids experience it. Bless you for standing with them through it.
I appreciate your connection this morning and really love this line: “He didn’t die for the institution we know as the church, He died for the individuals that comprise it — you and me — so that we would be restored to communion with God.” So, so good.
I pray for the Lord to strengthen and build your family up that you may experience Him more than ever. Love to you, Hester
I treasure your prayers, Hester! Thanks so much.
Thanks, Kiersten, I could relate to this a lot, for myself, and for my kids in the maze of teenage acceptance world.
Thanks, Kiersten, I could relate to this a lot, for myself, and for my kids in the maze of teenage acceptance world.
Thanks, Kiersten, I could relate to this a lot, for myself, and for my kids in the maze of teenage acceptance world.
Thanks, Kiersten, I could relate to this a lot, for myself, and for my kids in the maze of teenage acceptance world.
Thanks, Heidi. We’re in this together. 🙂
Thanks, Heidi. We’re in this together. 🙂
This was written for me! I feel like this, have felt like this for some time now. Sometimes I try to tell myself that it’s just better if we don’t participate in some family functions because its better without us. They have a better time when we aren’t there. I too feel like I should have thicker skin, but I don’t. Why is this? You are not alone at all. Tips post was spot on!
I wonder if being able to shrug off rejection (thick skin) is more of a cultural expectation than a God-designed ability? Or maybe it’s just because we need to have our identity so well-formed in HIM that we can deal better with human rejection. What do you think, Ashley?
This was written for me! I feel like this, have felt like this for some time now. Sometimes I try to tell myself that it’s just better if we don’t participate in some family functions because its better without us. They have a better time when we aren’t there. I too feel like I should have thicker skin, but I don’t. Why is this? You are not alone at all. Tips post was spot on!
I wonder if being able to shrug off rejection (thick skin) is more of a cultural expectation than a God-designed ability? Or maybe it’s just because we need to have our identity so well-formed in HIM that we can deal better with human rejection. What do you think, Ashley?
Its good to know we’re not alone. Thanks for your transparency & sorry I misspelled your name.
Its good to know we’re not alone. Thanks for your transparency & sorry I misspelled your name.
I could have stopped reading after the first sentence. Yep, I can relate. Literally 90 seconds ago I hung up the phone after learning of a “rejection” of sorts, based on half-truth and exaggeration, but rejection all the same. I know better than to give energy to this particular account, but I also know myself well enough to recognize that this will fester in my brain and heart for awhile. For me, in this moment, I need to read (and re-read) the Colossians passage in order to attempt a right response. So, thank you. I needed that.
Enough about me. I will pray for you, and for your family – boy, can I relate to the specific items you listed.
Accepted, beloved, chosen – your words provide a good ABC reminder – think I’ll tuck that one away. 🙂
Perhaps we can supplant the falsehood of rejection with the ‘ABC’ truth of God’s word. You’ve made it easier for me to remember now, too! Thanks, Jenni!
I could have stopped reading after the first sentence. Yep, I can relate. Literally 90 seconds ago I hung up the phone after learning of a “rejection” of sorts, based on half-truth and exaggeration, but rejection all the same. I know better than to give energy to this particular account, but I also know myself well enough to recognize that this will fester in my brain and heart for awhile. For me, in this moment, I need to read (and re-read) the Colossians passage in order to attempt a right response. So, thank you. I needed that.
Enough about me. I will pray for you, and for your family – boy, can I relate to the specific items you listed.
Accepted, beloved, chosen – your words provide a good ABC reminder – think I’ll tuck that one away. 🙂
I could have stopped reading after the first sentence. Yep, I can relate. Literally 90 seconds ago I hung up the phone after learning of a “rejection” of sorts, based on half-truth and exaggeration, but rejection all the same. I know better than to give energy to this particular account, but I also know myself well enough to recognize that this will fester in my brain and heart for awhile. For me, in this moment, I need to read (and re-read) the Colossians passage in order to attempt a right response. So, thank you. I needed that.
Enough about me. I will pray for you, and for your family – boy, can I relate to the specific items you listed.
Accepted, beloved, chosen – your words provide a good ABC reminder – think I’ll tuck that one away. 🙂
Perhaps we can supplant the falsehood of rejection with the ‘ABC’ truth of God’s word. You’ve made it easier for me to remember now, too! Thanks, Jenni!
Great post, thanks Kirsten. I have been struggling with this for the past few months so I could totally relate.
Great post, thanks Kirsten. I have been struggling with this for the past few months so I could totally relate.
Great post, thanks Kirsten. I have been struggling with this for the past few months so I could totally relate.
Great post, thanks Kirsten. I have been struggling with this for the past few months so I could totally relate.
Sorry to know it’s been a struggle for you, too. But hopefully we can remember the truth of our chosen-ness. Thanks for commenting, Diana!
Sorry to know it’s been a struggle for you, too. But hopefully we can remember the truth of our chosen-ness. Thanks for commenting, Diana!
Kirsten, I am so encouraged by the reminder of these verses here–of all that Christ endured. He knows rejection! He knows scorn! He knows pain– more than I can ever fully imagine. Thank you for how you so beautifully share your heart and point us to Christ, to remain in His hope.
Kirsten, I am so encouraged by the reminder of these verses here–of all that Christ endured. He knows rejection! He knows scorn! He knows pain– more than I can ever fully imagine. Thank you for how you so beautifully share your heart and point us to Christ, to remain in His hope.
Kirsten, I am so encouraged by the reminder of these verses here–of all that Christ endured. He knows rejection! He knows scorn! He knows pain– more than I can ever fully imagine. Thank you for how you so beautifully share your heart and point us to Christ, to remain in His hope.
Kirsten, I am so encouraged by the reminder of these verses here–of all that Christ endured. He knows rejection! He knows scorn! He knows pain– more than I can ever fully imagine. Thank you for how you so beautifully share your heart and point us to Christ, to remain in His hope.
Kirsten, I am so encouraged by the reminder of these verses here–of all that Christ endured. He knows rejection! He knows scorn! He knows pain– more than I can ever fully imagine. Thank you for how you so beautifully share your heart and point us to Christ, to remain in His hope.
Kirsten, I am so encouraged by the reminder of these verses here–of all that Christ endured. He knows rejection! He knows scorn! He knows pain– more than I can ever fully imagine. Thank you for how you so beautifully share your heart and point us to Christ, to remain in His hope.
He knows, He knows. Exactly, Jennifer! Thanks for the encouragement!
Thanks, as always, for your honest words of wisdom. Thinking in my own life…I totally used to think that I had “thick skin”…until I had children!!! Somehow when our little ones are hurting, it is a whole different thing then if we ourselves feel slighted. We go into “Mama Bear” mode, and God help whoever stands in our path. It does make me think, that perhaps God defends us with the same vigor that we defend our own little ones. And as we feel rejected and alone, which we ALL feel at some time or another, that God himself goes into “Mama Bear” mode and wants to protect us as well, since he loves us more than we could ever even love ourselves. Keep speaking the truth my friend–Our hearts need this honesty!!
Thanks, as always, for your honest words of wisdom. Thinking in my own life…I totally used to think that I had “thick skin”…until I had children!!! Somehow when our little ones are hurting, it is a whole different thing then if we ourselves feel slighted. We go into “Mama Bear” mode, and God help whoever stands in our path. It does make me think, that perhaps God defends us with the same vigor that we defend our own little ones. And as we feel rejected and alone, which we ALL feel at some time or another, that God himself goes into “Mama Bear” mode and wants to protect us as well, since he loves us more than we could ever even love ourselves. Keep speaking the truth my friend–Our hearts need this honesty!!
Well said, Chara! He is our shield, indeed!
I appreciate your honesty here, Kirsten. I think rejection hurts at every age and stage. What I’ve found is this: the older (more mature!) you get, the quicker you bounce back. We learn how to “kindle afresh” (2 Tim 1) the flame, and we get back to work 🙂
Praying this week finds you freshly kindled and ready to go!
I appreciate your honesty here, Kirsten. I think rejection hurts at every age and stage. What I’ve found is this: the older (more mature!) you get, the quicker you bounce back. We learn how to “kindle afresh” (2 Tim 1) the flame, and we get back to work 🙂
Praying this week finds you freshly kindled and ready to go!
I appreciate your honesty here, Kirsten. I think rejection hurts at every age and stage. What I’ve found is this: the older (more mature!) you get, the quicker you bounce back. We learn how to “kindle afresh” (2 Tim 1) the flame, and we get back to work 🙂
Praying this week finds you freshly kindled and ready to go!