Three vital ways using our voices shapes our faith

As an introvert, whose nervous system goes into hyperarousal with too much stimuli from sound and light, I often opt for quiet, introspective, individual faith-building practices like reading or prayer. (This is also why welcoming my kids home for visits means I have to gird myself for the steady stream of music! But having them home is worth every loud minute.) I’ve been thinking a lot about voices of late as part of my work as a public speaking coach/consultant. As I’ve reflected, I’ve come to better appreciate how significant our voices are to growing in faith. 

Three ways voices play an important role faith-development:

Read More

How to build (and maintain) friendship in an era of division

Bird with head cocked

I could not relate to what she was saying. If I may be candid, I was even a bit turned off by what my friend was sharing with me. I felt the urge to disconnect rise up inside me: Well, I guess I know not to broach *this* topic again in the future. 

And then there are the times when I’ve shared my thoughts and experiences with a friend only to have her expression reveal how surprised she was to uncover a difference where we’d previously seemed to share a sense of sameness. I’d wonder whether our friendship had a future; if our friendship had been built on common ground, would this quake bring its demise?

There have been similar instances in many of my friendships over the years. I used to think it meant I hadn’t found the “right” people to have in my life… that if I kept searching, I’d be able to surround myself with people whose perspectives always aligned with my own. On every topic. 

I know, I know… it seems a bit naïve to me, too, when I see it written out in black and white. 

And yet, I think—even if only subconsciously—it’s how most of us are interacting with the world. We allow our differences to drive us apart. And the result is a loneliness epidemic. There’s a good bit of research detailing this reality, some of which I’ve written about and referenced before. If the statistics tell even part of the story, about half of us are without even a single meaningful friendship. And while we can’t control all the reasons—and certainly will not lay blame at the feet of those who are ailing from a lack of friendship—there are things we can do differently for ourselves and for others. 

Read More

When you don’t know you’re sick (or somehow forgot)

Wooden table with coffee (decorative)

Is there anything scarier than being sick and not knowing it?

Okay, there probably is. But I find the idea of an undetected illness terrifying. (Just me?)

If you’ve been following Jesus for any length of time, you’re undoubtedly familiar with our sinful nature being likened to an incurable disease that we’re all born with as descendants of Adam. When we trust in Jesus as our Savior we are “cured” through a righteousness transplant of sorts.

Related: New DNA in Jesus (an article I wrote for Our Daily Bread based on an amazing true story)

In Luke 5, Jesus rebuts the Pharisee’s criticism of His willingness to spend time with sinners saying “Those who are well have no need of a physician, but those who are sick. I have not come to call the righteous but sinners to repentance.” (Luke 5:31, 32 ESV)

At first reading, it appears Jesus is describing the gaggle of social outcasts sitting at Levi’s table as being “the sick.” Indeed, they were all spiritually sick and in need of a Savior. And, as the religious elite, the Pharisees knew it too—that’s why they questioned Jesus for associating with them.

While that description may be accurate, it’s not the entirety of what Jesus was communicating. In a poignant way, He was holding a mirror up to the Pharisees, reminding them of the truth contained in (what we call) the Old Testament, asking them to recognize their own spiritual sickness.

This passage should make us uncomfortable, friends. Not because we’ve spent time at Levi’s table as a sinner. We all have! Knowing that about ourselves is what enables us to receive Jesus’ gift as the unfathomable grace that it is. 

It should make us uncomfortable because it asks us to see how we’re like the Pharisees. 

The Pharisees knew they carried the gene that predisposes us to sin and separation from God—remember, they were the religious experts.

And yet they ended up with hearts far from God, prideful over their position in the Jewish social structures and distancing themselves from those they deemed unseemly. Somehow, it seems they’d forgotten they, too, were ill.

Read More

On the other hand…

“You might be immobilized for five or six weeks,” my doctor said.

Ugh. 

The possibility of not being able to use of my dominant hand for that length of time struck a chord of fear in this pessimist’s heart. 

But my shoulder needed repair so I scheduled it—despite the potential downtime. (I had a similar surgery on my left shoulder about 10 years ago, the hilarious precursor to which I shared here.)

The good news: The surgery is now behind me and I had a better outcome than anticipated—I’m already in rehab.  

The bad news: I still don’t have full use of my right/dominant arm. 

Read More

When past hurt makes friendship feel scary

Three women sitting on a bench on a dock.

He addressed him as “friend.”

“Friend, do what you came to do.” (Matthew 26:50 ESV) 

Jesus knew what his friend Judas—one of the close-knit group of disciples—was about to do: betray Him into the hands of His would-be killers. Most of us wouldn’t consider that kind of betrayal a mark of a friend.

Yet Jesus still calls Judas “friend.”

Puzzled by this, I wondered at first if it was just the translation I was reading. Nope, the word “friend” is in every translation I checked. 

  • Jesus replied, “Do what you came for, friend.” (NIV)
  • Jesus said to him, “Friend, why are you here?” (RSV)
  • But Jesus said to him, “Friend, why have you come?” (NKJV)

That’s because it’s in the original Greek version. In Greek, the word is ἑταῖρος. 

According to Strong’s it means “a comrade:—fellow, friend.” So there’s really no trying to redefine the word the way Jesus used it. 

Why does this matter to us?

Read More

How to make forgiveness a habit

Bark floating on water

Habits. 

I’ve got some good ones: Flossing. Exercise. Budgeting and bank reconciliations.

And I’ve got some bad ones: Phone pick-ups. Dirty chai lattes. Returning shoes. (I have yet to diagnose the reason behind my lack of ability to commit to a shoe purchase.)

I’m intentional about habit-building. I have regular goal-setting sessions (not just at the beginning of the year) and often ask myself what habits and disciplines I need in order to achieve those goals. 

Given this proclivity, it’s easy to see why my ears perked up when someone applied the word “habit” to Matthew 18:21-22.

Read More

The painful (and sometimes funny) discovery of blind spots

When the irony fell on us all at the same moment, we dissolved into gales of laughter. 

Fourteen of us sat around the conference room table in Chicago. It was an opportunity to gather with colleagues; most of us had never met in person. 

On the first morning of our two-day confab, we encircled that table, sharing what we hoped to glean from our time together. I voiced my desire to identify blind spots in my role as a trainer and facilitator; that desire was written on the glass-covered pink wall alongside the hopes expressed by my cohort.

And then we dug into the work: learning, discussing, asking questions, practicing, and receiving feedback. It. Was. Awesome. I am a better trainer because of the insightful comments of my colleagues. Our day’s efforts were rewarded with a hearty meal and an evening outing. My night concluded in a smaller group, waxing philosophical in oversized chairs in the hotel lobby. 

When I made it to my room around midnight, I fell into bed exhausted and wholly satisfied. 

But sleep didn’t come quickly. My introverted nature got the better of me after a full day of activity. Like an overstimulated toddler who didn’t get to nap on time, my nervous system was in hyperdrive and I laid awake until after 3am. 

Read More

The other kind of love

Ah, February. The month commonly associated with love because of Valentine’s Day.

The stores flood with food, flowers, and apparel in various shades of red, pink, and chocolate. Oddly, I think it fills more of us with dread than delight: singles feel conspicuous in a culture focused on couples, and those in relationships feel the pressure to meet a social standard for expressing affection—both financially and emotionally. 

As Americans, I think we’ve become too focused on romantic love. Perhaps even our church culture has become too myopic about it as well? Affinity groups for couples… sermons on marriage… and more. Please don’t mistake me, if we are married, we should absolutely fortify those relationships through whatever resources we have. Yet an overemphasis on couple-hood creates undue pain for our single friends and—perhaps more importantly—distorts our view of the Body. 

Read More

Breaking bread instead of breaking fellowship

In the coming days (and weeks), many of us will gather with friends or family to share a holiday meal. We’ll put thought into who will encircle the table, extending invitations and setting a time to gather. We’ll put thought into the meal—possibly preparing favorite family recipes. And we might even put thought into what the table itself will look like… A centerpiece? Special plates or utensils? Candles?

But will we put thought into the conversation and the connection? 

Or will we leave that to chance? 

Read More

Small boat, big God: Weathering Life’s Storms

You’ve read the story before, I’m sure…

Jesus instructed His disciples to go to the other side of the lake.

As they traveled, a storm began to rage; waves breaking into the boat. 

Jesus was sleeping through it all. 

Until they woke Him, asking whether He even cared that they might drown.

His answer? “Why are you afraid?”

Reading this passage a few days ago, I nearly skimmed right over it. It’s familiar. 

But I slowed because He nudged me. 

What’s here for me, Lord? I know this story already.

Read More