Where else can I go?
Following God is anything but easy.
Every day seems to bring news of tragic events. In recent days, it’s struck closer to my circles in the forms of the kidnapping and murder of an elementary student, and the suicide of an eighth grader. I looked at my own eighth grader through tear-filled eyes, thankful for her every breath. I recalled the scare we had this time last year with my younger daughter and was moved again to gratitude. The happenings of the last week have touched me deeply because of their proximity, but injustices the world over paralyze me with their enormity and pervasiveness. Evil seems rampant and I’m tempted to question both the goodness and power of God.
But I’ve been down that road before. At the ripe age of 9, I determined to have nothing to do with the One who had the power to heal my father but didn’t. I made good on that promise for more than a decade, living out my anger at God in all kinds of destructive ways.
(c) Kirsten Holmberg 2012
There are no easy answers to the why questions in the midst of such painful and horrific circumstances. It would be an insult to try to offer any, and they’d smack of Christian platitudes. So where can I find hope in these moments? How will I live in the light of my faith when surrounded by such darkness?
When confronted with the challenges of living out their faith, many disciples deserted Christ (John 6:60-70). Jesus then asked the twelve if they, too, would abandon their faith in Him. It’s Peter’s reply that heartens me:
“Lord, to whom shall we go? You have the words of eternal life.”
— John 6:68 NIV (excerpted)
Where else can I go but to God?
The decision to flee God in anger and fear simply pushed me deeper into the same anger and fear. Only once I turned and instead pressed into Him did I begin to experience healing in the darkest and most raw places in my life. Over time, He has allowed me to see the ways He has redeemed that pain. This is why I put my hope in Romans 8:28. What He has permitted, I must trust He will redeem.
I may never understand why He allowed these things to happen to me, or why even worse things happen to others. His redemption of them brings me hope, but not comprehension. All I know is that I don’t want to face them without God.