We’re all afraid of something
America’s top three fears—in order—are public speaking, heights, and bugs. While #1 holds no power over me, #2 has been a paralyzing fear since third grade when I refused to climb to the dome of the state capitol building in Denver.
When I started working with David Anderson on his TEDxBoise talk last year, I knew I’d be confronting my fear.
And it finally happened on Saturday.
David is a research and conservation biologist specializing in birds of prey and forest canopies. To do his job, he learned to safely scale trees of size I can scarcely fathom. He also teaches tree-climbing to his fellow researchers (for their professional safety)—and to the “lay person” who would enjoy it.
As I waited anxiously to begin climbing, David drew my attention to the role I play in helping people deal with their fears of public speaking; suddenly, I saw the parallels as clearly as the massive Red Oak before me.
To conquer any fear we need three things:
The right tools.
David came with helmets, gloves, ropes, and harnesses. By the time we arrived, the tree had already been laced with the “infrastructure” one needs to scale a towering tree. Similarly, I provide my clients and students in my courses with the foundational knowledge of rhetoric, strategies for managing speaking anxiety, and a story-telling structure to ensure their talks are effective. In both situations, having the right tools ensures the safety we need to face our fears. We need to trust our equipment in order to brave the moment.
A credible guide.
David’s years of experience, and his earnest desire to help his colleagues do their job safely, fostered a sense of trust and credibility that I likely wouldn’t have felt with someone who merely climbed trees recreationally. His professional expertise allowed me to follow his instructions without reservation. The fear wasn’t gone, but my trust in him allowed me to step into it. He even climbed up the tree to encourage me as I began to contemplate returning to the ground before ringing the bell he’d hung at the top. Similarly, my 20+ years speaking to audiences, and my work with clients from Google, Oracle, and HP, reassure the most reluctant speakers that I can guide them through their fear. As I coach, my job is to help my clients move toward their goal, sharing the journey with them, encouraging and equipping them along the way.
A community of support.
I wanted the emotional support of my family and some friends to help me ascend the heights. Certainly, David’s equipment and guidance were sufficient for the task, but I knew it would be much more enjoyable to hear them cheering for me and to celebrate with them afterwards. One of the reasons I love group coaching and workshops so much is seeing participants share one another’s struggles (it’s America’s #1 fear—you’re not alone!), offering encouragement, and celebrating the victories. More on this vital element in just a moment…
All in all, it was a good day. Thanks to the tools, guidance, and support, I did something I was afraid to do. It was hard, but worth it.
I don’t know what you’re afraid of. Needles? Clowns? Find some tools to scaffold your way through that fear. Enlist the expertise of a guide, coach, or mentor. And surround yourself with people to support you: your loved ones, or a community of people who share the same challenge.
If public speaking is your fear, I can offer you that community: I’ve created “office hours” during which you can come visit with me and others who have similar questions and concerns. It’s fast (25 minutes) and free. Just show up, ask your questions and learn from my answers to the questions of others. Like office hours with your professors in college, our only agenda is to help you with whatever public speaking question you’ve got.
Seating is limited each week; sign up for one, some, or all of the time-slots available and experience the benefit of a community to support you. Here’s the link to get registered.
And I hope you’ll come hear David’s talk—but you’ll have to subscribe to the TEDxBoise blog for details on that.