My #1 rule for public speaking. And its corollary.
Like much of the world, I’ve been watching the public discourse on Naomi Osaka’s departure from the French Open. I’m not a tennis player so my interest isn’t related to the sport itself. Instead, I’m processing the reasoning behind her decision.
I confess I don’t know the innerworkings of her story; I know only what’s been shared in recent days on various media outlets. She’s cited bouts of depression over the last four years, as well as anxiety over public speaking in press interviews.
Before I address the public speaking aspect, I feel compelled to speak on the former concern: Mental health is still a topic we don’t address openly enough as a society. There’s stigma and shame where there shouldn’t be. (Sidenote: I’d argue this is exacerbated within the church when we “counsel” someone struggling with mental health issues to simply have more faith. Resources here.) I’m grateful for the people (many athletes) who’ve courageously shared their battles with us, bringing the topic into the public forum. Let’s honor their stories—and those of so many who struggle silently—by responding with respect and compassion.
As it relates to the public speaking anxiety Osaka references, I offer an insight and a challenge for us all.
First, the insight…
My number one rule of public speaking:
I counsel all of my clients to adopt a posture of service when presenting. This not only shifts the anxiety-producing spotlight off the speaker onto the audience and their needs, it also ensures we speak with empathy and humility (perhaps more important for those who don’t experience stage fright). Though my clients tell me how helpful this posture is, I recognize it isn’t a silver bullet for the kind of anxiety Osaka seems to feel. (Nor is her audience a typical one: hers is the crucible of public criticism on every word she utters.)
Which brings me to my second point—the challenge for us all.
The corollary to my number one rule:
To receive the speaker’s message as a gift when in the audience. If the person speaking has adopted that posture of service—aiming to give their audience a gift—then we, as the audience, are the recipients of that gift. It’s a gift that’s been crafted with care and attention. Can we receive it as such? Imagine how crushed you’d have been if mom had nothing but criticism of your handmade, clay coil pot from kindergarten! Instead of pointing out all its flaws (and I’m sure it had plenty—mine sure did), she saw the beauty in your unskilled effort and the love it represented and received it as a gift.
If you’re reading this, you are someone who has occasion to sit in an audience: in meetings, at church, at conferences, or on Zoom. (That’s all of us, friends.) Maybe the person sharing isn’t eloquent or masterful in their presentation. Even if that’s true, they certainly don’t need you to be their critic. They’ll do a good enough job of that all. by. them. selves. Instead, be kind. Return their “serve” with a smile. Nod when you agree. Make it safe. Recognize the courage it takes to face their fear. Some of you are likely shying away from taking on that challenge, so they deserve your respect for that alone. And when we don’t happen to agree with their message, we can always seek to understand their perspective.
If you are a speaker, then I call you (and myself) to an even higher standard: let’s double-down on empathy and compassion for those speakers (business colleagues, athletes, pastors, thought leaders, etc.). Let’s lead our fellow audience members by being the kind of audience we all yearn for: listeners who give us the benefit of their respect and attention, thoughtfully processing our message. If you’ve ever been heckled, interrupted, or harshly criticized (and who hasn’t?), you know that pain. Treat the presenter with the same courtesy you’d want.
If we all can practice both the rule and its corollary, we will better benefit from one another’s insights, more easily engage in productive conversation, and liberate one another from the shackles of public speaking anxiety.
I think that sounds like a win, don’t you? Game, set, and match.
If you’d like help overcoming your fear of public speaking, set up a free consultation here.