Lessons from turning 50… in a pandemic
I had a birthday last week. A BIG birthday. To celebrate (COVID-style), and nod to my 50 years treading the earth, I decided to walk 50,000 steps. (When I hatched this hair-brained scheme, I had no idea it would amount to about 22 miles. Yes, I was tired and sore when I was done.)
I invited some of my friends—from all chapters of my life and all parts of the globe—to “walk with me” by phone for part of my nearly eight-hour effort. The calls were sweet and all-too-brief but soul-filling (and blessedly distracting). This was exactly what I needed to mark the moment in a way that wouldn’t fade into the blur of sameness that 2020 has become.
Afterwards, reflecting on my calls with the wonderful women who joined me, I waxed philosophical. Below are 17 tid-bit insights extracted from a glorious day rich with fellowship-by-phone, recorded here for my posterity and—I believe—the benefit of us all:
- A startling portion of my calls were with former running/walking partners (some current, too). Lots of them laced up with me virtually that day, too. Go for a (virtual, if necessary) walk with your pals.
- Another large portion of my calls were with those with whom I’ve cooked or shared recipes with over the years. Whenever I make a friend’s recipe, it’s almost as good sharing a meal (or cooking) together. Sure, the internet is replete with a treasure trove of culinary goodness but ask a few pals for a favorite recipes instead—and maybe even call them while you’re cooking it. You’ll be nourished in more than one sense of the word.
- Related to #1 and #2: Time and distance are no match for selfless love and intentional friendship. When geography ceases to be the primary driver in a friendship, you can share life for decades and when God calls you (or them) to yet another city, nothing really needs to change. One pal shared her forthcoming move and we confidently assured one another of our ability (and desire) to remain connected.
- Prayer is a gift. Some friends asked how they could be praying for me. One used some of our precious moments to pray for me during our call. It literally moved me to tears.
- There is joy to be found in the re-telling of our stories to one another. Many of my calls involved regaling one another with moments of shared hilarity. I’m convinced that “remember when…” are two of the sweetest words in the English language.
- The boon of aging is finding freedom in knowing ourselves better than we did in previous decades; I loved hearing that confidence and liberty in the voices of my friends. Lean in to the years God gives you and embrace the person He’s making of you.
- More of us than you’d expect are still yearning for a greater sense of fulfillment in our work or sensing that it’s time for a change. My study of Abraham this year—and how God tenderly nurtured his faith—makes me think this yearning is an opportunity for growth and reliance, to step out into the unknown. Let’s travel together, shall we?
- God gives good gifts through—and in spite of—hard circumstances. Despite devastating effects both globally and personally, we can see God at work even in the midst of the pandemic. Those of us with college-aged kids are relishing the extra time COVID has given us with them at home, giving us glimpses into their collegiate experiences. Spouses who travel each week aren’t on the road which is breathing new life into marriages.
- Related: there are always things to be grateful for. If you’re not sure what they are, ask someone what they’re grateful for. It’ll prime your pump.
- Trust and vulnerability are the emotional equivalents of giving someone your housekey. Despite many missing years, we picked up the thread of intimacy where we’d last left it. Candor is the currency of closeness. Being known is worth it; take the risk and make it safe for others.
- We all want and need meaningful relationships. Too many of us are feeling alone. Not because of COVID and quarantines (though exacerbated by them) but because we’re all marching along in our ruggedly independent lives. Tip: You don’t have to turn 50 to call someone you haven’t talked to in a long time… call them today. Please? You’d be surprised at how good it is for our hearts.
- Anecdotal: I’ve decided we should dance every time someone sings us the birthday song. I danced my way through many a serenade last week. Do it with reckless abandon. In public. Own your age, friends. It is a privilege denied to many and our days are fewer in number than we realize.
- Everyone has 15 minutes available at some point in the day or week. I talked to stay-at-home moms, babysitting grandparents, teachers, Fortune 50 executives, and nearly-empty-nesters. Make time for each other—even if it’s only 15 minutes. You have 15 minutes; I promise you do. Call when you’re doing the dishes. Spontaneously.
- Tell someone what you appreciate about them. Being showered with words of affirmation last week filled my “cup.” Give your words generously and frequently. They’re free. And priceless.
- Everyone is dealing with hard things. Some really hard things. Be kind to each other. Assume there’s a struggle behind whatever behavior you find frustrating and think about how to support and love them. (For more on bridging differences in friendship, read a guest post I wrote here.)
- Even when “life” prevented a few pals from dialing in at all (or caused them to be late), they found other ways to show up—via text or email or scheduling a different time to talk. I felt seen, valued, and loved by their efforts since what I originally proposed didn’t work for them. Lesson: find some way to show up for each other.
- This exercise (pun intended) was the perfect spiritual metaphor for a life in community. I needed the support and encouragement of my friends and family; their voices drew me onward on a journey that was long, cold, and sometimes painful. Their companionship made the miles and hours speed by, warmed my heart and soul, and propelled me to endure. Go the distance, friends. Even when you think you’ve done enough, adopt a posture of service to those you love; the extra minutes or extra steps might just see someone across the finish line of a long day.
This experience was a gift to me—in every sense of the word. I was the recipient of the encouragement and “building up” Paul asks us to offer one another. Perhaps you can give a similar gift to someone in your life?
Therefore encourage one another and build one another up, just as you are doing.
—1 Thessalonians 5:11 ESV
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