Indebtedness
I just wanted to be nice.
I had the ability to give a small gift and I wanted to do something for them. My daughter was going to be in the dentist’s chair for an hour, so I had both the time and, fortunately, the money for a run to the coffee shop. So I offered to treat the office staff to an afternoon indulgence. They were eager for lattes, but misunderstood my desire to pay. All three opened their wallets, counting out the bills and jotting their orders on yellow sticky notes. I protested, reiterating my offer. They hemmed and hawed, reluctant to permit me the pleasure of giving.
They handed me their notes and their dollars, despite the repeated expression of my intent to buy. I quietly left the money on the counter, taking the sticky notes with me. Upon my return, each woman thanked me. Profusely. Again and again. Their gratitude, to me, seemed disproportionate to this small token of generosity. I was glad when they returned to their tasks and the matter seemed settled.
Discharged from the tooth cleaning, my daughter and I made our way to the car. I had a smile on my face, delighted to have had the opportunity to bless someone. (It really does thrill me to give… even in such a small way as this.) Then, my daughter pulled a roll of bills from her pocket and dumped some coins into my hand with them. These lovely ladies couldn’t stand it; they had stealthily stashed their money with my child.
Why are we so uncomfortable being in debt to another?
This playful (yet frustrating!) exchange depicted the errant way we are prone to interact with our Lord. He gave us an all-surpassing gift in His sacrifice on the cross. In our fleshly desire for self-sufficiency and prideful control, we attempt to pay Him back with our ‘good’ behavior and acts of service.
Our worship and service to God are meant to be a response of love, not an attempt to repay Him. Our salvation is not a cosmic debt-consolidation plan. It is a non-refundable purchase on the part of our Lord. He never intended for us to repay Him for this good and perfect gift. We cannot.
Our discomfort with such indebtedness reveals our pride, squirming and wrestling with such disparate inequality. I struggle with it, too. Be assured of that.
Just as I wished the office staff would simply enjoy the aroma and flavors of a warm beverage on a cold day — given because I desired nothing more than to bless them — I believe God desires us to savor our salvation, given at no cost to us but a steep price to Him. We mustn’t try to to level the playing field; it is rightfully unequal. He is God and we are not. He gave the gift we desperately needed and couldn’t possibly purchase. We mustn’t count off our dollars or deeds and pridefully try to stash them in His heavenly robes.
Wow, Kirsten. Slipping my hand into His right now.
Thank you.
Wow, Kirsten. Slipping my hand into His right now.
Thank you.
Kirsten,
This is beautifully written! What a tremendous example you’ve shared through your life. These words will echo in my heart the rest of the day! Thank you,
Love, Hester 😉
Kirsten,
This is beautifully written! What a tremendous example you’ve shared through your life. These words will echo in my heart the rest of the day! Thank you,
Love, Hester 😉
Kirsten,
This is beautifully written! What a tremendous example you’ve shared through your life. These words will echo in my heart the rest of the day! Thank you,
Love, Hester 😉
Kirsten,
This is beautifully written! What a tremendous example you’ve shared through your life. These words will echo in my heart the rest of the day! Thank you,
Love, Hester 😉
This post really resonates with me! It is such a poignant example of what is prevalent in our culture… I feel like we have all been trained from early on that we shouldn’t be indebted to anyone. But your blog post is so right on–Jesus gives us wild, audacious grace! And if we can accept that, then OF COURSE we are indebted to him. And does that make us weak, or just blessed!? I think we are “trained” to think that someone giving us something either is (a) too much of a burden on them that we should feel guilty, (b) makes us too vulnerable or weak, or (c) leaves us with a debt we don’t know how to pay. But what if instead we started showing audacious grace to each other like He has shown to us! What if people at Starbucks were clamoring to buy each other lattes? That’s what Jesus did for us (and so much more obviously!)…he bought us Lattes for life, and all because he loved us. And now I want a caramel macchiato! Thank you my friend for your wisdom and challenging words.
This post really resonates with me! It is such a poignant example of what is prevalent in our culture… I feel like we have all been trained from early on that we shouldn’t be indebted to anyone. But your blog post is so right on–Jesus gives us wild, audacious grace! And if we can accept that, then OF COURSE we are indebted to him. And does that make us weak, or just blessed!? I think we are “trained” to think that someone giving us something either is (a) too much of a burden on them that we should feel guilty, (b) makes us too vulnerable or weak, or (c) leaves us with a debt we don’t know how to pay. But what if instead we started showing audacious grace to each other like He has shown to us! What if people at Starbucks were clamoring to buy each other lattes? That’s what Jesus did for us (and so much more obviously!)…he bought us Lattes for life, and all because he loved us. And now I want a caramel macchiato! Thank you my friend for your wisdom and challenging words.