In the silence

No news is bad news in my little world.

I found (yet) another place where my pessimism reigns: communication. Specifically, the lack thereof. To me, the absence of information can only be interpreted negatively. Though there are juvenile aspects to this tendency (likely the residue from middle school girls’  tactics of ignoring someone when mad), I recognize that a large portion of it is simply my bias:

• If a lengthy period of time elapses between communication with a friend, I routinely begin to wonder whether something is amiss in our relationship.
• When someone offers feedback on a portion of my work, but doesn’t mention another aspect, I assume they didn’t appreciate the part they chose not to discuss with me.
• After posting a new blog, and receiving no comments from readers, I immediately believe the content didn’t resonate with anyone and therefore wasn’t valuable. 

While my negative assumptions are plausible — all of those scenarios could prove true — this effort to “learn optimism” has forced me to see that my assumptions aren’t necessarily true. Or at least aren’t true 100% of the time, as my mind would have me believe.

Not only do I need to reflect on what is true, as mentioned in a previous post, but I need to remind myself of the many times my assumptions were proved false as a means to “fill in the silence” with something less negative:

• Not long ago, I reconnected (via Facebook) with a high school friend. After discussing the in-between years, I remarked that I’d wondered whether we’d left off on bad terms. My friend was downright puzzled by my quip, “Why would you think that?” Clearly, I was wrong.
• As a professional writer, I’m responsible for making my clients look good. Their edits and suggestions help me put their best foot forward; I need the input to help me understand their industries — even if it comes with lots of strikethroughs and Microsoft Word review balloons. I was thrilled when one client went so far as to write an unsolicited letter commending me to my boss recently. Woop!
• Today I received an email from a reader remarking that she’d shared my blog with a new friend, believing that some of what I’ve written here would encourage her. Though I didn’t see her name in any comments at the bottom of a blog post, this action on her part affirms me tremendously and was actually the catalyst for this post. (Thanks, KL!)

I hope to swing myself closer to center by reframing silence to be — at worst — neutral. I must realize there’s no need to interpret lack of information or communication negatively until something indicates I actually should. It reminded me a bit of Jesus’ words in Matthew 6:34:

Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own. (NIV)

No need for me to “borrow” against potential bad news when it hasn’t yet arrived.

[Tweet “Silence isn’t necessarily negative. #thinkonthesethings #write31days”]

This post is part of a 31 day series entitled “Think on these things: Learning optimism.” For a full catalog of all the posts, visit the first page in the series by clicking here.