How to talk to each other at Christmas
Mary and Joseph. Joseph and Mary. We talk about them like an old married couple.
As two pivotal “characters” in the story of the Bible, we mention both when we reference either, almost as though they’re a single name or unit—which in some ways they are. But we mustn’t forget that they were two distinct and very real people. And their experiences as the humans who raised Jesus were entirely different from the start.
It shouldn’t surprise us, then, that God revealed His astonishing plan to them individually—and in ways that honored that they needed to hear it differently, too.
The two experiences:
- When the angel visited Mary, it was an utter surprise. As a young, betrothed woman living a simple life in Nazareth two millennia ago, she could hardly have anticipated such an event, thinking herself to be the virgin Isaiah prophesied (Isaiah 7:14). When the angel greets her—even before revealing what is yet to come—she is perplexed: “Mary was greatly troubled at his words and wondered what kind of greeting this might be” (Luke 1:29). And she’s naturally got some more questions when told she “will conceive and give birth to a son . . . [who] will be great and will be called the Son of the Most High” (vv. 31-32).
- Joseph, on the other hand, is sitting amidst the carnage of a life that’s been thrown into chaos: his fiancée is pregnant (by human appearances by another man). He’s understandably distressed. An angel visits him in response to that distress and offers the same truth that was delivered to Mary but couched in consoling terms that addressed his distinct need: “. . . do not be afraid to take Mary home as your wife, because what is conceived in her is from the Holy Spirit” (Matthew 1:20).
Two things to learn or remember about this contrast:
- It reveals the tender truth that God meets us where we are. Whether you’re approaching Christmas with sadness, anxiety, or delight, He not only knows your need, He cares about it. Bring Him your true emotions and allow Him to care for you. (I particularly like the way The Message renders Psalm 34:4-8 for the way it depicts the relationship God wants to have with us, whatever our emotional state might be.)
- It models for us how we should interact with others—at Christmas gatherings and in our daily interactions year-round. Let’s pause to put ourselves in the shoes (or sandals, in Mary’s case—ha!) of the person we’re interacting with and think about how to speak into their needs (and listen to them, too). Are they sad or anxious at Christmas? Eager for it? Let’s create environments that are honoring of our Savior’s birth by emulating the way God “held space” for the different emotions Mary and Joseph felt. (This is a key public speaking principle, too: your central message will be the same regardless of “audience”, but how you frame that message should be guided by their needs.)
When we give priority to the other person and their needs this Christmas, we’re heeding the instructions Paul gave in his letter to the Philippians that we should “not [look] to [our] own interests but . . . to the interests of the others” (Philippians 2:4).
What’s more, it can be a way to give Jesus a gift in honor of His birthday: “. . . whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers and sisters of mine, you did for me” (Jesus, in Matthew 25:40).
If your holiday gathering feels particularly vulnerable to conflict, may I suggest this post as a way to prepare yourself? Here’s another one that might help, too.