Fulfilling the purpose of small groups
I have had the joy of participating in multiple study/community/small groups over the course of my 30+ years as a Christian. For the most part, these weekly gatherings have been a regular boon to my life. They encourage me. They sharpen me. They equip me. I look forward to them.
I say “for the most part” because occasionally the dynamics shift and the benefits are lost (or at least reduced) due to human frailties disrupting the fruitfulness.
Each group I’ve been part of was formed with the express purpose of knowing God better through His Word and spurring one another on in our shared faith. The groups have been a mix of virtual and local/in-person formats. Some groups have been co-ed; others have been just women. And the faith journey of those in the group have varied, too: some have been walking a Christian faith for decades, others were new to it. Some even undecided about who Jesus is.
I’m writing this post to help us all see a better way… to fully realize the benefits God intends us to glean from being part of faith-based small groups. Some of my own behaviors have short-circuited small groups, so I don’t write with condemnation. Rather, I hope by examining the challenges, we can all hold ourselves to a higher standard and therefore lay hold of the goodness that exists in healthy groups.
While I could compose a list of behaviors and habits that adversely impact small groups (I’m sure you could, too!), I’m instead highlighting two mindsets that I believe underlie most of the problems that arise.
Problem mindset #1: A consumer mindset
Our motivation for joining groups is usually for the benefits we hope to gain from participating: practical help, encouragement, support, learning, friendship. But that motivation needs to shift over time: by joining a group, we join our lives to others’… which means we must participate as much for their sake as for our own. There are—most certainly—many good and valid reasons why people cannot be present at group gatherings. But skipping out because we …
- don’t like the chosen meeting venue/format (virtual vs. in-person, how far away it might be),
- have the option to do something preferable, or
- didn’t manage our time well enough to be present
… essentially says that the other people’s needs don’t matter—only ours do.
The consumer mindset also shows up in topic selection, commandeering the study for one’s own purposes and preferences instead of choosing material that benefits the group at large.
Instead: let’s show up to group gatherings in support of the other people as much as for the benefit we receive. Let’s choose material that will sharpen the collective, not merely appeal to a single person or vocal minority. An others-focused mindset fosters the mutual edification and interdependence God intends the Body the be. With that mindset, we embody a ministry of presence and gain the full value of the entire group becoming more mature in their faith.
Problem mindset #2: A vanity mindset
This mindset is driven by an assumption (unconscious, perhaps) that we all share the same perspective on any topic… that everyone is (or should be) like ourselves.
Often it surfaces when conversation turns to non-essential “issues” (meaning it has no direct bearing on one’s salvation). If you’ve ever been surprised that someone in your group practices a different form of baptism, holds a different view on gender roles, or simply votes differently than you, then you—like me—have been unwittingly guilty of this vanity mindset. The hazard isn’t in our differences. Rather the hazard in this mindset is in the assumption that our way is the only “right” way in a non-essential matter…and the way we talk about it. If we speak about that topic in a way that makes someone else feel condemned or shamed for holding a different view (or merely prioritizing that issue differently), we will circumvent the sharpening such conversations can produce (Proverbs 27:17). A posture of genuine curiosity (not pointed questions) as to why another intelligent, rational, faithful human being might think differently than ourselves is incredibly valuable in such situations. If history’s most notable theologians have debated an issue for millennia, it’s arrogant to assume we can know anything—other than Christ crucified—without doubt.
Instead: let’s hold ourselves to the standard Paul exhorted, “Let your conversation be gracious and attractive so that you will have the right response for everyone” (Colossians 4:6 NLT). Paul addressed these words to our interactions with those who don’t hold a Christian faith; I think there’s an application for us even inside our Christian circles as we can make others feel as though they’re “outsiders” by our treatment of non-essentials in our group conversations.
Fulfilling the purpose of small groups
Small group gatherings were the way of the early church. They were church. That means they’re meant to be faith-refining experiences that bring glory and honor to God. In other words, it’s about Him, not us. These “problem” mindsets are problematic because they shift the focus away from Him and onto ourselves, our preferences, and our pet issues. Let’s approach all of our small group gatherings with a mindset of worship and mutual edification. In the words of Hebrews, “Let us think of ways to motivate one another to acts of love and good works. And let us not neglect our meeting together, as some people do, but encourage one another, especially now that the day of his return is drawing near” (Hebrews 10:24, 25 NLT). If we do, we’ll see His beauty more clearly and enjoy His design for the Body.