For when you’re overwhelmed

The last few months have been—in a word—overwhelming.

In general, I’m very diligent about my calendar and not putting too much on it. And yet sometimes it just gets away from me. A few things converged to create this flurry of activity:

• First, a desire to extend and accept invitations to/from new friends in order to build relationships after relocating. It’s been a year since we moved back to Colorado, but cultivating friendships takes time. We’ve tried to make the most of every weekend as an opportunity to create touchpoints with new friends. (Plus, we’ve enjoyed being able to see our family and “old” Boulder friends as often as possible.)
• Second, a series of wonderful family milestones: both of our daughters had graduations that we attended out of town, my in-laws marked their 60^th wedding anniversary (amazing!), and we buried a loved one. Plus, there were two personal trips “just for fun” and a couple of houseguests mixed in.
• Third, a big uptick in work travel that sent me across the country in both directions for several consecutive weeks. (I do not know how people travel every week for work… it’s exhausting to me! But I’m eager for a work trip to Boise at the end of the month—I’ll sneak in some Idaho fun while I’m there.)

As you can see, with the exception of burying my uncle, every item on calendar over the last few months has been good. I wouldn’t have wanted to miss out on any of it. 

There’s the rub: that it’s all been good. If they weren’t “good” things, it would be easy to choose away from them. (And I wouldn’t be writing an article on feeling overwhelmed.) 

This reality has set me on a journey to address my lack of equilibrium:

• Is this a weakness on my part? Lots of people around me seem able to simultaneously manage more work and more friendships and more responsibilities than I can. 
• If it is a weakness, is there a way to increase my capacity? Not in terms of hours in a day (that appears fixed—ha!), but in my ability to do each of these things with more grace and energy and without the feeling of being overwhelmed. In other words, can I expand my emotional tank or is it a fixed size like my car’s gas tank?
• If it’s even possible to increase one’s capacity, should I? How does one strike the balance of personal growth and honoring the way God has wired us? 
• If I cannot (or should not) increase my capacity, what would “contentment” in that area look like? How will I cope with disappointing people when I say “no” or have to hold a boundary to honor the wiring God has given me and the adverse impact of not doing so (being overwhelmed)? 

I don’t know that I have good answers to these questions yet. But I do think I’m asking the right ones. As I continue to pray and seek counsel on them, I’ve been looking at what’s known as the “prayer of Jabez” as one source of biblical guidance.* 

Jabez called upon the God of Israel, saying, “Oh that you would bless me and enlarge my border, and that your hand might be with me, and that you would keep me from harm so that it might not bring me pain!” And God granted what he asked.

1 Chronicles 4:10 ESV 

As I meditated on the short passage, I split the phrases apart:

“Oh that you would bless me…” 

“…and enlarge my border…” 

“…that your hand might be with me…” 

“…keep me from harm … [and pain]!” 

Viewing my questions in light of the passage, here’s how I’m choosing to respond for now:

• Is it a weakness? God created me (and you!) with a unique set of characteristics. He loves me enough to refine my character according to His pleasure and purpose. Whether it’s a weakness or not, I know that if I humbly acknowledge my felt reality before Him, I can trust Him to either cover it with His sufficiency and goodness or develop my character. My responsibility is to draw near to Him as the source of all I need: “Oh that you would bless me…”
• Is there a way to increase my capacity? I’ve got a few ideas I plan to try. But God created humans as creatures who have limitations (for example, our souls inhabit bodies that require sleep). Whatever “increase” I could gain still won’t be without limits so I will always run into this tension. My limits will be lower than some (and higher than others) in any given area. My responsibility is to prayerfully look to Him to establish the bounds of my life. “…and enlarge my border…”
• Is seeking to increase my capacity a denial of how He made me? If God were to “grow my capacity” it will be for the purpose of bringing Him glory, not simply to satisfy my human/social desire to handle more. I desire Him and His presence in my life over all else. My responsibility is to hold the tension before Him in faith: acknowledge my wiring while yielding to His work on my character.  “…that your hand might be with me…”
• How will I cope with disappointing others given my limitations? It probably won’t feel good. To them or to me. My responsibility is to trust Him in the moments that I grapple with their disappointment in me or feel the pain of missing out. He will be the balm to that pain to all affected. “…and keep me from harm … [and pain].”

Modeling my prayer on that of Jabez:

Father, I feel emotionally unequal to what this day (week/month/meeting/gathering) requires of me. I draw near to You now and ask for Your sustaining power to be at work in and through me—not for my glory but for Yours. I trust that You have given me exactly the resources I need for today. Where I lack, I pray You would supply… for me and those whose lives I affect. Safeguard my heart and theirs from unnecessary shame, disappointment or pain that no bitterness might take root. I rest in You.

In the biblical account, the verse concludes with “And God granted what he asked.” Far be it from me to presume upon Him to do that in response to my prayer. Yet I ask in faith and wait in hope.

May His will be done.