Expecting the worst

Parent-teacher conferences.

Few situations reveal my pessimistic nature more than these semi-annual conversations with teachers. How awful does it sound that some of my most negative beliefs occur around my kids? (But then I wonder whether that might be true about a lot of us? Please don’t leave me hangin’ here.) This week was conference week. I dutifully showed up with my notepad and pen, ready to jot down what the teacher wanted to share about my kiddos.

And I fully expect them to share something bad.

My heart is so full of love and affection for these kids. I genuinely delight in them and cannot fathom my life without them. Yet I enter these meetings assuming I’ll be hearing about their worst academic habits and traits. (Do you think it’s safe to conclude, then, that pessimism isn’t related to one’s love for another?) 

I park myself in the chair across the table from the teachers. I listen, my pen poised to note the “areas for improvement”. Probably only because I’m writing about optimism this month did it dawn on me how many good things were being said about my students. Attentive. Curious. Diligent. Resilient. Caring and empathetic. 

Whatever my natural inclination might be, I realized on the way home (better late than never, right?) that I needed to venture into conferences (and any dialog about my kids) with a different perspective — one that’s more neutral. While it’s true that some parents are unable to see their children’s faults, I don’t feel I’m at risk  of this occurring given my natural bent. To achieve “neutral” will require a booster shot of optimism. And then, I hope, I can hear the full complement of what teachers care to share about my kids.

That’s the point of this series, you see. Not that optimism is better, and that pessimism is bad (or worse, sinful). But that the only right perspective is  the dead-center realism that Jesus, God-in-flesh embodied. My goal is to draw myself closer to His perspective… to acknowledge which way I lean (as a pessimist) and allow the Scriptures, and His example, to bring that needle nearer to straight, growing more into Christlikeness.

But it’s not just for me.

By assuming I’d hear negative reports, or at least by only planning to note “areas for improvement” on my pad of paper, I effectively eradicated room for them to have already grown. Why was I surprised at the good things the teachers related? I hadn’t allowed for anything to have changed since the last time I’d spoken to them/any teacher. I had, as defined in my first post, emphasized the worst possible outcome and aspects.

[Tweet “Optimism makes room to see where God has already caused growth. #thinkonthesethings #write31days”]

Kids need to know that we believe good things about them. That belief calls more of their best into play. And I think this is true of all of us.

When has someone’s positive belief about you afforded you “the room” to be that person, or to have already grown and changed more into His likeness?

This post is part of a 31 day series entitled “Think on these things: Learning optimism.” For a full catalog of all the posts, visit the first page in the series by clicking here.