Seeing and Being Seen
“I feel seen.”
It’s a phrase you might not have heard a few years ago… at least not with the frequency you do today.
The first time someone said it to me was in a coaching session. I had just validated my client’s feelings about the difficult subject matter she was preparing to share with a vast internet audience. I remember thinking it was an odd way to express the sentiment, though I readily understood it and was grateful to know I’d created a safe space for her words and feelings.
Since then, I’ve heard it countless times in casual conversation and, thankfully, also from more clients.
It’s only been in recent months as I’ve confronted a new season of uncertainty that I’ve longed to “feel seen.” I’ve been profoundly grateful for those close to me—many of whom are in their own difficult circumstances—who’ve written notes or texts of encouragement, called to check in, or chosen to show up out of a desire to support me even when they might have preferred to reschedule our meetup.
In those moments, I’ve felt seen. And valued and loved.
In our modern vernacular, feeling “seen” simply means your feelings are understood and valued. Your thoughts and experiences are acknowledged—even if they’ve gone unexpressed—because the other person determined to engage empathetically, trying to imagine what it would be like to walk in your shoes. The benefits are increased trust, less isolation, and lasting connection.
But the idea isn’t modern at all.
In fact, the first time a human being gave a name to God, it was because she felt seen by Him. Hagar, Abram’s Egyptian servant, became pregnant by Abram (at his wife Sarai’s direction). Perhaps unsurprisingly, Sarai grew jealous and “dealt harshly” with Hagar who fled into the wilderness (Genesis 16:6). There she encountered the angel of Lord who assured her that “the Lord [had] heard of [her] misery” (v. 11). Her response to this tender encounter:
She gave this name to the Lord who spoke to her: “You are the God who sees me.”
Genesis 16:13a NIV
Feeling seen by God enabled her to go back to her mistress. It gave her the fortitude to return to the difficult circumstances she’d desperately wanted to escape.
Only being seen by God can imbue this kind of strength and resolve. Preaching to myself here: We can’t expect to receive this kind of “seeing” from humans. In seasons of heartache or hopelessness we must look to Him as the One Who Sees, asking Him to meet us in the wilderness of our hearts.
He will meet us there, strengthening us to persevere and comforting us lovingly.
Sometimes He’ll do it through His Word, providing an apt passage of Scripture to speak into our circumstances. Other times, He’ll use a sermon or a moment of silent prayer. And, yes, still other times He might “see us” through the care and tenderness of a friend or loved one. (May we be willing to be used by Him to “see” others, as well.)
Whatever your circumstances are, I pray you feel seen today—by the God Who Sees.
What it means to “neighbor”
The realization came with a sting.
The kind of sting you can’t shake. It’s been a few weeks and I still feel it.
That’s probably a good thing.
I’ve been reading a book by Steven Garber called Visions of Vocation. (If you haven’t read it already, please add it to your reading list; not a paid link.) In the earliest pages, the author challenged me to think differently about what it means to be a neighbor.
Read MoreThe foolproof recipe for whipping up a great presentation
Process. Routine. Method.
These words don’t really conjure a sense of excitement or adventure do they? Womp, womp.
And yet much has been written about the benefits of having systems and routines:
Greater productivity
Less stress
Less procrastination
Though they sound mundane, process, routine, and method are vital keys to unlocking time and reducing stress. The popularity of Andrew Huberman’s morning routine, Marie Kondo’s KonMari method, and Timeboxing strategies reveals how much we benefit from systems—both personally and professionally.
Having a system for developing presentations makes the effort much more manageable and, more importantly, ensures greater success. Many of my clients say that learning the process I teach them is the greatest ongoing benefit of working with me. By leaning on a repeatable process, they’re less overwhelmed by having to create yet another presentation (likely with little time!). And they are happier with the results of their efforts.
Read MoreStaying the course: Faithful persistence after “Quitter’s Day”
The second Friday in January has been dubbed “National Quitter’s Day”—the day when most people abandon their New Year’s resolutions.
Maybe you’re not someone who makes “resolutions.” Maybe you’re more of a goal setter. Maybe you choose a word or a verse for the year. Whatever form it might take, as followers of Christ, we tread this line of dreaming, self improvement, and ambition carefully—and hopefully prayerfully.
Read MoreBackpacks or burdens: when to ask for (and give) help—and when not to?
For most people I know, asking for help is one of the most difficult things to do. Some of that challenge is particularly American: we were raised on the notion of “rugged individualism.”
Some of it’s also a lack of humility: we don’t like admitting our inability to do something (especially if we believe it is our responsibility).
And sometimes it’s because we’re sensitive to asking for too much from others—perhaps because we ourselves have been presumed upon by someone else in the past.
Conversely, it’s also difficult to know when one should not help, as in the case of enabling something unhealthy for another person or when doing so is to one’s own detriment.
The Bible is replete with verses teaching us to help others. One passage presents what at first seems to be a set of self-contradictory statements:
Read MoreHow to rehearse for your big presentation (even when you’re busy)
The single best way to demonstrate competence and confidence when presenting is to know the content. When we feel at ease with our material because it’s “in our bones”, we use fewer filler words, can leverage non-verbal and paraverbal communication techniques, and generally carry ourselves with the outward and inward posture of an expert.
Yet knowing the content is more than just subject matter expertise (the reason you were tapped to give the presentation): it means we’ve rehearsed the presentation itself—to know the sequence and phrasing of the material as it has been structured for the particular audience being addressed.
In today’s fast-paced business climate, finding time to rehearse is often difficult. When there aren’t significant consequences for delivering a presentation in a less-than-amazing fashion, rehearsing may not be necessary. But when the stakes are high, knowing your material is imperative. The following seven strategies will help ensure the little time you have to practice is as effective and efficient as possible.
Read MoreWhen you’re humbled by a lump of clay
I was mortified.
Okay, maybe that’s a little dramatic. But I was genuinely embarrassed and seriously considered leaving (with my tail tucked between my legs).
At the beginning of the year, as part of my annual goal-setting effort, I decided I’d try at least four new things as a way to challenge my brain and get outside my comfort zone. One of the ideas I selected was to take a beginning wheel-throwing pottery class.
The class began last week and during introductions I mentioned that I don’t have art experience of any kind (save for junior high). Most of my eleven fellow students have some art background and many even have experience with ceramics. The situation harkened back to my college photography class in which I was the only student from the business school; my professor couldn’t find anything praiseworthy about my shots so his grading remarks said I had “very precise printing skills.” (And, as you’ll see below, the pottery class is going about as well, so far.)
Read MoreWhat your boss really wants when they limit your slide count
Slide count is always a hot button topic in my workshops and coaching sessions. Time and time again I hear the same refrain:
I only get ten slides.
Whatever the number might be, the constraint is always a challenge for my clients because it creates friction with slide design best practice: to convey a single concept on each slide. To heed that advice means there will be more slides. Sometimes a lot more slides.
The way most people try to meet the slide count limit is by crowding the slides. The oldest “trick” in the book is dividing the slide into quadrants and putting four slides onto it—one per quadrant.
This trick (and others like it) are only worsened by the common practice of using slides as speaker notes (or because we want them to be useful as a leave-behind), thereby overburdening them with text.
Having worked with thousands of people—many of them are the very bosses who impose slide count limits—I can attest that there are generally two reasons they do so. With a clear understanding of their underlying reasoning, we’ll better achieve their objective for the presentation… and might just be afforded more slides to do so.
Read MoreFor when you’re overwhelmed
The last few months have been—in a word—overwhelming.
In general, I’m very diligent about my calendar and not putting too much on it. And yet sometimes it just gets away from me. A few things converged to create this flurry of activity:
- First, a desire to extend and accept invitations to/from new friends in order to build relationships after relocating. It’s been a year since we moved back to Colorado, but cultivating friendships takes time. We’ve tried to make the most of every weekend as an opportunity to create touchpoints with new friends. (Plus, we’ve enjoyed being able to see our family and “old” Boulder friends as often as possible.)
- Second, a series of wonderful family milestones: both of our daughters had graduations that we attended out of town, my in-laws marked their 60th wedding anniversary (amazing!), and we buried a loved one. Plus, there were two personal trips “just for fun” and a couple of houseguests mixed in.
- Third, a big uptick in work travel that sent me across the country in both directions for several consecutive weeks. (I do not know how people travel every week for work… it’s exhausting to me! But I’m eager for a work trip to Boise at the end of the month—I’ll sneak in some Idaho fun while I’m there.)
As you can see, with the exception of burying my uncle, every item on calendar over the last few months has been good. I wouldn’t have wanted to miss out on any of it.
Read More7 reasons you should NOT improve your communication skills
Looking for a reason to skip out on developing your public speaking and presentation skills?
Look no further; here are seven of the best:
Read More