Body Building: Considering the impact of ‘choice’ on community
Is ‘choice’ good for us?
Within some generalized parameters, we are given the privilege and pleasure of choosing many aspects of our lives. We choose where we live, where our children go to school and where we go to church. We choose our friends and even our leisure activities.
The positive side of this dynamic is that we can make sound investments in real estate (financial stewardship), provide academic opportunity (stewardship of talent) and be spurred on in our faith by those with whom we share doctrinal positions.
But what’s the downside?
We’re human, so in general we’re going to choose our comfort. That means we’re going to select the homes that position us around people with whom we’d like to associate. Decisions about schools will be based on the ‘kind of kids’ that go there and the parental demographic (whether or not we care to admit it). We’ll go to churches that never push us to wrestle out our faith because we like be surrounded by smiling faces that nod in agreement with us.
Affinity groups — groups sharing a common interest such as life stage, gender, martial status — quickly create a sense of community because of that shared interest. In various seasons of my life (newly married, parenting our first child, adopting from Russia), I’ve been exceedingly thankful for the solidarity and empathy I received from being with those groups because of the ministry of identification with one another.
Does choosing our own community short-circuit God’s design for the Body?
I think the self-selection involved in affinity groups runs contrary to God’s design for the Body. His desire is that we would build one another up in Christ and grow in our faith. If we always choose to surround ourselves with only those likely to agree with us, we won’t benefit from the sharpening that occurs from having someone love us enough to tell us where we’re wrong (Ephesians 4:15).
We recently launched a new life group at our church. My husband and I were handed a list of names and phone numbers with which to initiate relationship. I confess to you my initial struggle: I really wanted to be connected with ‘my people’ at this church we’re newly a part of. By ‘my people’ I mean (of course) the people who look like me: educated, middle class, mid-40’s, married with kids about the same age as my own. I had no idea who these names on the paper represented.
So, I prayed. And then I called to extend the invitation to meet.
We sat, circled around the table. Our diversity wasn’t the kind you can find in other parts of the country. (I do, after all, live in Idaho.) But I was thrilled at the age span, variety of professions, the range in Bible knowledge, and varying church backgrounds. Several times I heard the comment, “I’m so glad we represent more than just one age group or life stage.”
I reflected on the passage in Romans that describes the purpose of Spiritual gifts:
For just as each of us has one body with many members, and these members do not all have the same function, so in Christ we, though many, form one body, and each member belongs to all the others.
— Romans 12:4, 5 NIV
It dawned on me that the Body is beautiful because it has different members with different functions. We need all the Spiritual gifts and we need all the different kinds of people. We would be repulsed at the sight of an amorphous blob of eyeballs — the physical depiction of a self-selected affinity group — and it wouldn’t be an effective body. A conglomeration of feet would be no more attractive and no more functional. Quite simply, we need all parts.
This is what makes the Body as beautiful — as fearfully and wonderfully made — as the bodies God has given each of us.
- Where are you choosing your own comfort by surrounding yourself with only those who look (walk, talk, act) like you or share your opinions?
- How does the ‘body’ of that group look in light of that decision?
- Can you identify an area in which to choose away from your norms and thereby build the Body through mutual encouragement and sharpening?
You make a great point here, Kirsten. There is certainly a benefit of being around people “like us” but our life group has recently expanded with the God-sent addition of some young adults. What breaths of fresh air they are! There are so many benefits to mixing it up, which is basically what the Body is anyway: a big mix-up 🙂
I hope you’re enjoying your new assignment. I know the people in your group will grow sharper being with you!
A big mix-up, indeed. Time and again, I’ve been thrilled by how God sharpened me with the person I least expected to like. Thanks, Susan!
You make a great point here, Kirsten. There is certainly a benefit of being around people “like us” but our life group has recently expanded with the God-sent addition of some young adults. What breaths of fresh air they are! There are so many benefits to mixing it up, which is basically what the Body is anyway: a big mix-up 🙂
I hope you’re enjoying your new assignment. I know the people in your group will grow sharper being with you!
A big mix-up, indeed. Time and again, I’ve been thrilled by how God sharpened me with the person I least expected to like. Thanks, Susan!
Great and timely thoughts, Kirsten!
Just today, I was marveling with a close friend about how diverse our gifts were. I see in her a God-given ability to carve room in her heart for relationships–both making new ones and strengthening the ones she has. She sees in me an ability to put into words what others feel but are often unable to express.
Then we noticed how our gifts also define our weaknesses: she is sometimes too stretched and hectic to slow down and reflect on what matters, and my craving for the privacy necessary to write sometimes causes me to neglect my relationships.
But God’s hand is in our friendship. Despite the many, many people in her life, this dear one calls me out of my cave, literally (with a singing message on my machine), once or twice each week. In return, she says I bring her clarity–a note in her inbox on something we’ve been pondering, a turn of phrase that somehow connected with her.
Different, but good. Eyeballs and feet. 🙂
You’ve left me with a funny visual, Jenn. I like it, though. Thanks for pointing out how our strengths and weaknesses are often different sides of the same gift. And that they’re meant to be complementary in the Body.
Good thoughts Kirsten,
I like how you point out we are a body with different parts — and we all need each other and one is not more important than another.
Now you know, (wink, wink) that my husband is a small group pastor. Some other things that are considered for groups are: location of host home, time of day they meet, child care availability, what day of the week they meet and what material a group is studying etc. etc. These factors can help or inhibit a couple from being in a group etc.
I have always been blessed by how God has orchestrated the groups we have been in and hosted – He truly brings people together to sharpen one another. And many times walls are broken down and false assumptions disappear once people get to know each other and do life together.
I encouraged our women’s ministry this year to let God choose our Wed. morning ladies groups instead of them being pre-assigned — Some people can just get stuck with the mentality, “Well, I’m only coming if I’m in so and so’s group.” They trusted God’s sovereignty with the groups and it’s been a growth experience for sure. 😉
Anyway, now I’m babbling. Thank you again for your thoughts. 😉
Love, Hester 😉
You’re right, Hester, that so much goes into building a small group. It’s not an easy equation to balance and I’m grateful that hearts like Dave’s are in the process. I observe this short-circuiting in more than just small groups… also in neighborhoods, schools and the like. For example, our neighborhood school in Colorado suffered greatly because all the ‘affluent’ parents opted to open-enroll to other schools, citing poor performance. We sent our kids anyway (along with a few others). I loved the impact being in class with lower income, ESL and special-needs kids had on my own children: they were sharpened by the experiences and don’t view the world as homogeneous any more. Plus, I hope – in some small way – my volunteering there benefitted some kids whose parents don’t have the luxury of reading with them every night because they had to work two or three jobs each.
Good thoughts Kirsten,
I like how you point out we are a body with different parts — and we all need each other and one is not more important than another.
Now you know, (wink, wink) that my husband is a small group pastor. Some other things that are considered for groups are: location of host home, time of day they meet, child care availability, what day of the week they meet and what material a group is studying etc. etc. These factors can help or inhibit a couple from being in a group etc.
I have always been blessed by how God has orchestrated the groups we have been in and hosted – He truly brings people together to sharpen one another. And many times walls are broken down and false assumptions disappear once people get to know each other and do life together.
I encouraged our women’s ministry this year to let God choose our Wed. morning ladies groups instead of them being pre-assigned — Some people can just get stuck with the mentality, “Well, I’m only coming if I’m in so and so’s group.” They trusted God’s sovereignty with the groups and it’s been a growth experience for sure. 😉
Anyway, now I’m babbling. Thank you again for your thoughts. 😉
Love, Hester 😉
You’re right, Hester, that so much goes into building a small group. It’s not an easy equation to balance and I’m grateful that hearts like Dave’s are in the process. I observe this short-circuiting in more than just small groups… also in neighborhoods, schools and the like. For example, our neighborhood school in Colorado suffered greatly because all the ‘affluent’ parents opted to open-enroll to other schools, citing poor performance. We sent our kids anyway (along with a few others). I loved the impact being in class with lower income, ESL and special-needs kids had on my own children: they were sharpened by the experiences and don’t view the world as homogeneous any more. Plus, I hope – in some small way – my volunteering there benefitted some kids whose parents don’t have the luxury of reading with them every night because they had to work two or three jobs each.
You’ve left me with a funny visual, Jenn. I like it, though. Thanks for pointing out how our strengths and weaknesses are often different sides of the same gift. And that they’re meant to be complementary in the Body.
I recognize the themes here from conversations over the past year. So glad to see and hear how God is blessing you through this community He has knit together. There are times and places for choice, and then there is a definite time and place for God-ordained choices…and submission. It’s true wisdom when we know the difference…and that God sometimes also ordains choice. Love this mind-bender! I’m glad you shared it here to encourage so many others!!
Love ya!
I recognize the themes here from conversations over the past year. So glad to see and hear how God is blessing you through this community He has knit together. There are times and places for choice, and then there is a definite time and place for God-ordained choices…and submission. It’s true wisdom when we know the difference…and that God sometimes also ordains choice. Love this mind-bender! I’m glad you shared it here to encourage so many others!!
Love ya!
I recognize the themes here from conversations over the past year. So glad to see and hear how God is blessing you through this community He has knit together. There are times and places for choice, and then there is a definite time and place for God-ordained choices…and submission. It’s true wisdom when we know the difference…and that God sometimes also ordains choice. Love this mind-bender! I’m glad you shared it here to encourage so many others!!
Love ya!