To Regret or Not To Regret?
It’s gotten under my skin, this quote. Yes, there are positive ways to mean/understand it, but I think it’s too easily skewed.
Never regret anything because at one point in your life it was exactly what you wanted.
(I don’t even know to whom to attribute the quote, so I extend my apologies for not noting it. Whomever you are, I wish I could hear the way you intended it because I think I beg to differ with you. Respectfully, of course.)
My deepest regrets in life are over the very times I did exactly what I wanted instead of what was wise. At the ripe age of 16 I can remember articulating this very notion. I sat on the floor of my family room and uttered the words to my mother. I cited it as an over-arching tenet by which to live my life: I wouldn’t regret anything I’d done in the name of ‘love’ or ‘youth’ or ‘adventure.’ It was my license to sin. And it stayed in my wallet for seven years, corners dog-eared, folds creased and print worn from my long succession of years pulling it out to trump better judgement.
I wanted to be physically involved with that boy.- I wanted to try those drugs.
- I wanted to stay out dancing instead of studying.
- I wanted to sleep in instead of attend class.
- I wanted to eat that bottomless basket of fries. By myself.
(Please pass the Ranch dressing.)
When I have made decisions that were absent a moral component, then my ‘regret’ is simply a wistful reflection on what might have been. I certainly have my fair share of those. But I think this turn of phrase is too easily erected as a flippant barrier to God’s wisdom.
To look back without regret on choices made without regard for God’s instruction is essentially to stand willing repeat the experience simply because we ‘wanted’ it at that point in time. The Bible calls this foolishness.
Like a dog that returns to his vomit
is a fool who repeats his folly.
— Proverbs 26:11 ESV
We are to acknowledge that our desires are of a carnal nature, contrary to the Spirit (Galatians 5:16-24, Isaiah 55:8, Romans 8:1-8), and to be grieved because our actions grieved God. If we cannot, we’ve cheapened the sacrifice of Christ to be only for the sins we are willing to call sin.
I don’t believe we should be crippled or paralyzed by the sins of our past; they are covered by the blood of Christ and we are new creations (2 Corinthians 5:17). Our regrets must send us running unabashedly into the arms of our Heavenly Father. He will redeem them and use them for His glory, but we’ll never see it unless we repent of the sin. Without regret, there is no repentance.
So, I’m okay with regrets. They tell me my desires are no longer that of a fool and that my heart looks a little more like Christ’s than it once did.
Thanks be to God.
Not that I have already obtained this or am already perfect, but I press on to make it my own, because Christ Jesus has made me his own. Brothers, I do not consider that I have made it my own. But one thing I do: forgetting what lies behind and straining forward to what lies ahead, I press on toward the goal forthe prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus.
— Philippians 3:12-14 ESV
Wow, Kirsten, I’m speaking at an event on Saturday night and one of my topics is regret. Living a life focused on “what if” or “if only” does nothing but mire us in a fantasy, and it keeps us from moving forward in our calling.
I believe the Lord would rather us work through our regret so we can reflect and learn from our mistakes. It puts feet on 2 Corinthians 1:4 as we (hopefully) help others not make the same mistakes!
Thanks for sharing such powerful thoughts.
Hugs from VA,
Susan
Wow, Kirsten, I’m speaking at an event on Saturday night and one of my topics is regret. Living a life focused on “what if” or “if only” does nothing but mire us in a fantasy, and it keeps us from moving forward in our calling.
I believe the Lord would rather us work through our regret so we can reflect and learn from our mistakes. It puts feet on 2 Corinthians 1:4 as we (hopefully) help others not make the same mistakes!
Thanks for sharing such powerful thoughts.
Hugs from VA,
Susan
We’re coming from two different, but equally unhealthy, perspectives: it can’t be ‘so what’ and it can’t be ‘what if’. Good stuff! Would love to hear your message, Susan. Post video links here, if you’ve got ’em!
You’re absolutely right, Kirsten – life is all about finding a healthy balance, isn’t it?
As for my speaking engagement, it’s not being videotaped but I’m sure the content will come out in a post(s) before long 😉
Wow, Kirsten, I’m speaking at an event on Saturday night and one of my topics is regret. Living a life focused on “what if” or “if only” does nothing but mire us in a fantasy, and it keeps us from moving forward in our calling.
I believe the Lord would rather us work through our regret so we can reflect and learn from our mistakes. It puts feet on 2 Corinthians 1:4 as we (hopefully) help others not make the same mistakes!
Thanks for sharing such powerful thoughts.
Hugs from VA,
Susan
We’re coming from two different, but equally unhealthy, perspectives: it can’t be ‘so what’ and it can’t be ‘what if’. Good stuff! Would love to hear your message, Susan. Post video links here, if you’ve got ’em!
You’re absolutely right, Kirsten – life is all about finding a healthy balance, isn’t it?
As for my speaking engagement, it’s not being videotaped but I’m sure the content will come out in a post(s) before long 😉
I totally agree!!! Without regret, you would not really feel repentance. And I believe repentance and true sorrow over our sins is what leads us to asking God for forgiveness and coming to the realization that we need His forgiveness. If we don’t know that we need forgiveness, how can we ask for it? God put that in our hearts to lead us to Him. Now having said that, once we ask Him for it we should not live in the sorrow of our past regrets. Like you said He is redeeming us and in fact once we have laid our sins down at His feet He can then use them in a might way. THAT is the part I find most amazing . That God can take our worst sins and let them have a purpose. A way we can relate to others who may have been on that same path . Wow I’m so glad I found your blog!! This is a great post!
Welcome, Holly! Glad to have you here. If you revel in redemption the way it seems you might, I hope you’ll find other posts that encourage you, too. You’ve got a healthy perspective on repentance *and* forgiveness. Thanks for stopping by!
I totally agree!!! Without regret, you would not really feel repentance. And I believe repentance and true sorrow over our sins is what leads us to asking God for forgiveness and coming to the realization that we need His forgiveness. If we don’t know that we need forgiveness, how can we ask for it? God put that in our hearts to lead us to Him. Now having said that, once we ask Him for it we should not live in the sorrow of our past regrets. Like you said He is redeeming us and in fact once we have laid our sins down at His feet He can then use them in a might way. THAT is the part I find most amazing . That God can take our worst sins and let them have a purpose. A way we can relate to others who may have been on that same path . Wow I’m so glad I found your blog!! This is a great post!
Welcome, Holly! Glad to have you here. If you revel in redemption the way it seems you might, I hope you’ll find other posts that encourage you, too. You’ve got a healthy perspective on repentance *and* forgiveness. Thanks for stopping by!
I totally agree!!! Without regret, you would not really feel repentance. And I believe repentance and true sorrow over our sins is what leads us to asking God for forgiveness and coming to the realization that we need His forgiveness. If we don’t know that we need forgiveness, how can we ask for it? God put that in our hearts to lead us to Him. Now having said that, once we ask Him for it we should not live in the sorrow of our past regrets. Like you said He is redeeming us and in fact once we have laid our sins down at His feet He can then use them in a might way. THAT is the part I find most amazing . That God can take our worst sins and let them have a purpose. A way we can relate to others who may have been on that same path . Wow I’m so glad I found your blog!! This is a great post!
Welcome, Holly! Glad to have you here. If you revel in redemption the way it seems you might, I hope you’ll find other posts that encourage you, too. You’ve got a healthy perspective on repentance *and* forgiveness. Thanks for stopping by!
Love this post Kirsten. Especially the paragraph about not being paralyzed by our sin, but realizing God uses it all for good.
Love this post Kirsten. Especially the paragraph about not being paralyzed by our sin, but realizing God uses it all for good.
Love this post Kirsten. Especially the paragraph about not being paralyzed by our sin, but realizing God uses it all for good.
Love this post Kirsten. Especially the paragraph about not being paralyzed by our sin, but realizing God uses it all for good.
Think this is something that most people struggle with….how to learn from the past/ not hate yourself for your past/ but also not like the past define you….great job putting it in perspective.
Think this is something that most people struggle with….how to learn from the past/ not hate yourself for your past/ but also not like the past define you….great job putting it in perspective.
Think this is something that most people struggle with….how to learn from the past/ not hate yourself for your past/ but also not like the past define you….great job putting it in perspective.